Today has witnessed another fiasco in my life time. I felt intensely disappointed about my performance in da GRE test after the conclusion. Almost as da first ppl going out da exam centre, feeling my head really ache and heavy, I juz tried to flee away as soon as possible. Sigh… Probably it marks a great turning point in my life, and mayb hereafter I’l deviate from my dreams further and further. I must confess tht I’m no an optimistic, as I often make underestimates. However, it’s much different from what I used to b; in fact, I tended to b sanguine with myself before when I was a child. After so many pummelings, I gradually n finally became somber. I was too naive; this world’s harsh for me. For many times I tried to escape n get rid of da mundaneness, yet only vainly. I clearly remember my vower in my childhood tht when growing up I’d choose to b a recluse, living in somewhere teemed with dense tropical jungle, without pains, anxieties, irk, reputation or abuse, juz myself alone, everyday accompanying perky animals, beholding blooming n desiccation of flowers until da day when I fell to da ground unconsciously, kissed by d earth mottled with withered leaves, flowers, as well as other remnants, whereby I eventually meet my doom, n Charon will fery my soul across da Styx to d underground world Erebus, da relm dominated by King Hades. Day after day, my corpse decomposes n mold with da soil. Indeed it’s a way of death tht is one of da most romantic as far as I can see.

But how my doom will truly b? I really don’t know. I feel pretty tired.

Now I find tht my slightly deformed right knee joint n left foot-bone, attributed to injuries when playing soccer, become even protruding than before. I’m glad tht I haven’t become disable thus far, thou some doctors hav seriously warned me n prognosticated tht years later I may well suffer from paralyzation of my legs due to abnormalities in my vertebral column due to injuries in sports as long as no sufficient care or measure is taken.

That’s my humble life…

I think, paradoxically, I’m not too pessimistic yet, in that every time when seeing da word “humble”, great characters such as Jean-Loius Pons n Joseph von Fraunhoffer come to my mind swiftly. Since my early childhood, they’v been my idols tht propelled n enliven me when I was entangled by mesh of gloom. I know I’v lost da very opportunity to become any of them, But, more importantly, they’r still in my mind, firmly, n clearly.


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